From where I am sitting....

...I hear the washing machine humming, Kate making funny noises with her mouth while she does her math, the timer ticking to challenge Kate to get done in a reasonable amount of time, Peter plunking away at the piano, thunder- or maybe that's 3 little giggling girls playing upstairs.

...I see my mess of school books, books to read, and my lesson plan book waiting to have things checked off for the day. Oh- And the sun- the GLORIOUS sun coming in the window.

...I feel excited and anxious to hear some news about our son soon! And I feel tired. Time change is always hard. Early to bed for all of us I think!

Well, enough sitting at this computer. The math timer is about to ring and I think I need a little outside time- maybe put a couple girls down for naps, get a couple of big kids settled in with some school work and then sneak out to the mailbox with a little dark chocolate. Sometimes getting the mail is like a mini vacation.

Time changes everything

It's funny now to think back to what life was like with my first pregnancy. There was the wonderful luxury to just take a nap whenever I needed to. Now I look forward to the 20 or 30 minutes that I MIGHT have to put my feet up in between the time we complete our necessary afternoon school work and when the two youngest get up from their naps. And of course, there are days when that doesn't even happen. My husband blessed me with allowing me to quit my job very early on in my first pregnancy and just enjoy that time. Looking back I'm not even sure what I did every day! I know I did a lot of house hunting as we were looking for our first house. And I know I kept our little rental house clean and handled very easily the grocery shopping and cooking. I'm sure I did a lot of reading and napping and baking. Pete and I could run errands or visit with friends in the evenings. What a life! Little did I know that in less than 7 years things would be so different. Although grocery shopping has become an expedition of sorts and the idea of cooking dinner sometimes seems daunting after a day of juggling diaper changes and teething, crabby babies with teaching consonant blends and drawing maps of the Nile River, I definitely wouldn't trade the chaos for anything. I'm just going to keep praying that God will give me strength for each day and the ability to prioritize- and recognize and be okay with the fact that I won't get everything done. It would be nice to have the laundry washed, folded, and put away all in one day, have the kitchen sink completely empty before bed, and not see a stray sock or book or toy anywhere, but life is messy, right? The fact that things have changed so much in the past 7 years makes me wonder what the next 7 will bring! My hope is that while we will remain busy, we will also have things more streamlined! Maybe we'll be through the diapers and teething stage? Perhaps I'll be able to leave some children home while I get the groceries? Maybe my husband will have homemade chocolate chip cookies on a regular basis? Maybe I'll enjoy knitting again- accompanied by my girls? It's fun to dream and wonder, but I'll stop now for I don't want to wish away the precious time of my babies childhoods!

Something only a boy should say?

I have a confession to make-

first a disclaimer- I have eczema. Severe, extreme, painful eczema all over my hands. They break open, crack, swell, itch, etc constantly due to contact with anything from vegetables to soaps to, well, water and oxygen. So there are certain things I do as little or as quickly as possible. Thankfully me sweet husband does not like to see my hands become raw so he is often the one to bathe the children.

Depending on how much they play outside, they shower/ have baths 2-6 times a week. In the hottest days of summer when they are gross from playing outside, it's nearly everyday. I am not of the "bathe your children once a week whether they need it or not" school of thought- generally.

Here's the confession- today is Friday. My children have not been showered or soaked since Saturday!!! EWWW, I know! Normally they would have gotten cleaned on Tuesday night after soccer, but we skipped because I was sick. Then I was going to do it on Wednesday, but figured what's one more day, I'll just wait till after practice Thursday. Well, practice was cut short and they didn't break a sweat. Plus we got home so late from grocery shopping I figured, at this point, what's one more day? So I just suggested to Peter and Kate that they take baths. YES- separately- we do have 2 tubs. I thought they would enjoy some warm, alone play time in the tub. Peter scowled and said no, because the water gets cold (he pretty much always takes showers). Then my beautiful little girl said, very emphatically,

"I do not want to take a bath because I do not like being clean!"

I thought that was just a phase that little boys go through! Well, tomorrow is Saturday-
what's one more day?

"Two Temples"

Happy Mother's Day to my mom. Thank you for giving birth to me, raising me with such love and grace, and for taking such good care of your family- then and now. I love you!

the following is a poem from a book I love called Verses of Virtue (you can purchase it at http://visionforum.com/)

"Two Temples"

A Builder builded a temple,
He wrought it with grace and skill;
Pillars and groins and arches
All fashioned to work his will.
Men said, as they saw its beauty,
"It shall never know decay;
Great is thy skill, O Builder!
Thy fame shall endure for aye."

A Mother builded a temple
With loving and infinite care,
Planning each arch with patience,
Laying each stone with prayer.
None praised her unceasing efforts,
None knew of her wondrous plan,
For the temple the Mother builded
Was unseen by the eyes of man.

Gone is the Builder's temple,
Crumpled into the dust;
Low lies each stately pillar,
Food for consuming rust,
But the temple the Mother builded
Will last while ages roll,
For that beautiful unseen temple
Was a child's immortal soul.

by Hattie Vose Hall

Cabin Fever

I am not one who has a great need to "get out" usually. I can go for days without leaving the house and be quite content. Pete loves it when I go a whole week without going anywhere but the library! You can't spend money if you don't leave the house- okay, that's not really true since I do shop online. However it's not tempting to buy things I don't need if I don't go to stores. Well, it's been cold and we've got a good bit of snow so I admit, yesterday I NEEDED to get out! We had some guys here putting some recessed lighting in the basement so I had to move all the toys into the living room and the kids couldn't be down there all day. The kids have all this pent up energy and they are starting to really antagonize eachother! So yesterday I was going to take them to one of those indoor inflatables places so they could jump and run and release some of this energy that has nowhere to go. We had a snowstorm Thursday night which caused all sorts of closings- including the jumping place. I sent them out to play in the snow for awhile, but that didn't last long. For Maddie it lasted 5 minutes because the snow was too deep and she cried "I cared, mommy." Some friends invited us to their church soup supper and then to their house afterwards so we had that to look forward to, but 4:30 couldn't come soon enough, naps didn't happen, and Peter was whining that he was bored because he couldn't go in the basement. Then I suddenly had an idea that sort of cheered up our afternoon. I remembered that the kids had each gotten $10 from Great Grandma Fennema for Christmas. Usually it goes in their banks right away, but I decided to go to Target and let them each spend $5. So we headed to the store, parked, and I traipsed through the snowy parking lot carrying Ella with my 3 other ducklings following and all holding hands. We got the usual stares (pity? confusion? don't know), as we slowly made our way to the door and slowly got settled in a huge cart where 3 out of 4 can be safely contained. Then we made our way to the toy aisle where (surprise surprise) they all picked a matchbox sized "Cars" vehicle. They have been obsessed with playing with those lately! And I'm happy for them to get anything that provides hours of wholesome entertainment. We don't even have the movie (they have seen it before) mostly because I don't like that although it's rated G, it has a naughty word in it- but they seem to be able to make up plenty of their own stories with the cars. So we took their choices to the checkout where I allowed each of them to pay separately so that they could proudly pay with their own five dollar bill! (More stares as people probably wondered why I was wasting time letting them pay for their own). Then we left Target to meet our friends for supper.

Monday Madness

Just when I got the mess from breakfast cleaned up it was time for lunch! It's just one of those days when I can't seem to get it together. Nearly every Monday I have very crabby children. They are up late on Sundays due to getting home from church at 8 or 8:30 and still needing supper. And we've tried feeding them supper before church, but it has to be before church attire is put on due to spillage which would mean supper at 4ish. So by the time we get home from church they're hungry anyway. It isn't as if we can skip night church so I'm not sure how to handle this!!! Ella must be teething or something because my usually calm and smiley baby has been very unhappy all day. She's okay if I'm holding her and walking around for distraction, but that's kind of hard to do when I am trying to actually teach Peter and Kate something! I guess I have to remember that even if we have to do 2 lessons of math tomorrow to make up for today, I'm teaching them how to take care of a teething baby! Usually on Monday I get our sheets washed and put back on the bed before 9am and that's the beginning of getting several loads done. Well, it's almost 1 and my sheets are still in the dryer. I think I'll just give up on getting any other laundry done today- although Kate and Maddie did manage to fold one load of towels this morning. Yay- they are learning to be helpers, but their helping sure is a lot of work for me :) The girls were supposed to be taking turns washing up after lunch while I attempted to put Ella down for a nap and I caught them laughing and playing at the sink. How dare they have fun! No, really I was mad that they didn't listen to my instruction because 1. they completely soaked a towel and slopped water around but mostly because 2. we have a garbage disposal. So I very loudly explained that there is a thing in the sink for chopping up food garbage that could chop someone's hand off!!! Now they'll probably never wash their hands again! For those of you who are worried- the switch is under the sink and they can't get to it when the stool is in place for hand washing. Still, it's a good thing to be scared to put your hand down there! Now if I could just get Pete to stop rescuing, with his bare hand, the sippy cup valves that occasionally make their way down there. That always makes me nervous! I myself use tongs. Or vice grips (I think that's what it was called), whatever the job requires. Well, I'm going to go read to Peter and Kate while the crabby babies are napping. Tomorrow is a new day.

crazy on caffeine

Thanks to my dear friend, Brooke who helped me realize why I have been so crabby and easily irritated lately!! I called to ask her if she thought I was crazy and need to be on something and she simply asked "how much coffee are you drinking?" Why didn't I think of that?! Somehow I have gradually increased my caffeine intake over the last several weeks. Add that to my frustrations over not maintaining our normal schedule (I am a creature who thrives on habit) as we have taken some time off our normal school work and you get one crabby Rachel. My poor kids! Tomorrow morning I will begin the tapering down process! And we started school again today! Yay- back to normal life. So I might actually be able to take the time to get the rest of my Christmas pictures on the computer and post a few! That probably seems to not make sense- that now that I'm teaching my children again I'll have time to do something that I couldn't while we were on break. The thing is, I do much better when I keep a strict schedule for all of us. Somehow when I keep things structured I have more free time. Actually I have no "free" time. I'm not really even sure what that means. But I have more time to sneak in a few minutes of a hobby here and there.

uncleaning the house

Since my children spend so much of their time uncleaning the house for me I have changed my perspective on cleaning the house. I remember back before I had kids, and even when I just had Peter and Kate, I could get the whole house clean in part of a day and then really enjoy having a clean house for a couple of days. Now, rather than cleaning the house to have a clean house, I clean the house so that I don't have an even dirtier house. It's always going to be messy- as long as the kids are little and making huge messes daily. Maybe if I had the time to actually put everyone's toothpaste on their toothbrushes for them, put the soap on their hands and then lock it away, make them all drink out of sippy cups with lids that only a parent knows how to remove, make them never ever have more than one toy out at a time (but then how could they play dress up/ babies/ church/wedding/restaurant? a lot of toys go into that kind of playing), feed the baby her cheerios one at a time, have a toilet paper dispenser that only allows 4 squares per child per hour, and many other impossible things then I could have a clean house. But we live here and life is messy- so I'll clean to keep the house from getting dirtier. And I'll keep on scraping the toothpaste off the kids sink and counter right before company comes, buying way too many bottles of hand soap, spot cleaning the wood floor after spilled drinks, pushing the toys aside to make a clear path for anyone who has to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, stepping on cheerios, and buying toilet paper in bulk (atleast they're wiping, right?).

My ears are full too

Maybe that would be a good response to the common, "You've sure got your hands full!"

It's so noisy I can hardly think. And there are so many things I'd like to think about and read about and figure out. For now I guess I'll try to enjoy all the sounds of my children because I know when they are grown I'll miss their funny noises and quirky comments.

Sweet babbling fills my ears.
Ella has recently joined in on the talking. Her babababaing is so cute

The prayers of my children fill my ears. Yesterday I had a really hard time holding in the laughter as Kate prayed before bed. She tends to have a sort of stream of consciousness way of praying- with eyes squinted open a little she'll look around to decide what to pray about. She thanked God for food and drinks and clothes and toys and books. Then she proceeded to say, "too much clothes and too much toys and too much books." I was thinking I agreed until I realized her "too much" was a good thing so "when our clothes are dirty we have more clothes and when we have to sell some of our toys we have more toys and when we lose some of our books we have more books." Oh, my Kate!

Laughter fills my ears. Thankfully, along with the bickering and whining, there is a lot of laughter at our house!

who knew apples could be so funny?

making faces in one of the fun mirrors at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago

I am reading The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer right now. In reading this thought provoking book, I am realizing how pathetic my pursuit of God has been; how I am so easily satisfied with brief encounters and short conversations rather than searching, groping, reaching, longing to know Him, the person of God! I want to hear Him, to deepen my receptiveness to His voice! A prayer by Tozer at the end of chapter 6-

"Lord, teach me to listen. The times are noisy and my ears are weary with the thousand raucous sounds which continuously assault them. Give me the spirit of the boy Samuel when he said to Thee, 'Speak, for thy servant heareth.' Let me hear thee speaking in my heart. Let me get used to the sound of Thy voice, that its tones may be familiar when the sounds of earth die away and the only sound will be the music of Thy speaking voice. Amen."

I pray God will help us busy mothers, whose ears are filled with the sounds of our children, to be even more filled with the sounds of His voice!

honestly

Honestly
I am tired
Tired of poopy butts and slimy faces
Tired of everybody needing me every second
Tired of not being able to clip my nails or shave my legs
Tired of not having time to knit or read or finish a cup of coffee or do a scrapbook page
Tired of people undoing everything I work so hard to do- taking beds, hair, clothes apart, smearing soap and toothpaste all over the bathroom and then dumping water everywhere
Tired of the day going by before I have a chance to catch my breath.
And I feel so selfish for not being able to keep going happily every second.
I mean there are people starving and hurting and living without Christ!
I have food and a home and a family and God's Light to guide me.
I am not a good servant.
I am tired.

in honor of the nightly search for baby dolls

"Patty Poem"
by Nick Kenny (from Poems that Touch the Heart)

She never puts her toys away;
Just leaves them scattered where they lay-
I try to scold her, and I say
"You make me mad!"

But when to bed she has to chase,
The toys she left about the place
Remind me of her shining face,
And make me glad.

When she grows up and gathers poise
I'll miss her harum-scarum noise,
And look in vain for scattered toys-
And I'll be sad.

trick question

Yesterday I decided we need two of me. One to do the laundry, cleaning, and cooking. One to do the fun stuff- reading to the kids, teaching, taking the kids to the park, etc. I love the latter, the former is often undone or barely done. I asked Pete, "Can you handle two of me?" Before I even realized it was a "trick question" he said he'd rather not answer that one. Smart man!
Seriously, if everything around the house was to get done I would have to give up completely on sleeping- ever. I wonder how long I will feel this way! Will there come a time when laundry is washed, folded, and put away all in the same day?! The kids are learning to help, but it is still all quite overwhelming. Is it possible to do everything well? The most important things- talking to the kids, reading to them, teaching them about this world and their place in it I do not want to neglect! So when you come over you will see baskets of CLEAN laundry sitting around (unfolded), crumbs on the floor around the table, toothpaste on the bathroom sink (and mirror and in Maddie's hair), random socks abandoned here and there, fingerprints (and maybe some peanut butter) on the sliding door, unopened mail and coupons and art projects and lists and hair bows scattered all over "that one" counter in the kitchen. Hopefully, if you look beyond that you will see four children who love eachother and are learning all that God wants them to learn- about serving Him and others and building up His kingdom- in spite of their imperfect mother!

Dying to self

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:8

Christ died for me, a wretched sinner, and yet I indulge in self pity all the time! A long and difficult day with the kids happens and I feel like "I'm done." What does that even mean? Giving up? There is no giving up in motherhood. And the "difficulties" I have are nothing compared to the pain of some. Yet we must all press on- no matter the degree of hardship our children may impose upon us, we must constantly die to SELF! Christ is the example for motherhood. His love is the pure, perfect, sacrificial love of a servant; love that never says I can't do it anymore. Why is it that my love often says I cannot get up from this table to refill another drink, I cannot referee another fight, I cannot change another diaper and on and on? Because I am selfish. We are called to serve others and what better opportunity than with my children? May God help us mothers to wake up each morning- or in the middle of the night as need be- and die to self!