....is how long we've known about our little man in Africa. We've waited and waited for our court date. The wait is almost over. Tomorrow we get on that plane to fly to meet him. In two days we will meet our new son. In five days we will officially be his parents. And then we will have to say good bye to him until the US Embassy issues his visa and we are cleared to travel there again to bring him home with us.
I am so excited.
And I am so sad. I spend nearly every waking hour with five little people that I can hardly stand a day away from- how am I going to handle seven? I've held my emotions in check (squashed them down deep) for awhile now. Then last night I packed my suitcase and this all became so much more real. And I cried. And I cried. And if I hadn't taken that benadryl to see how it affected me so I can use it on the plane to block out one of my least favorite things to do, I would have cried some more. Child birth is excruciatingly painful. This is more painful to me. As I laid in bed crying last night I thought, "nevermind- i don't want to do this. forget it. i take it all back. i just want to stay here." Yet, I must go. This is what God has called us to do. And so tomorrow I will leap. I am trusting the One who hides me in the shelter of His wings. I am praying for UNFLINCHING faith. I want to not worry or doubt His goodness to me. For He is good and perfect and all my days- and all my children's days- are His.