One Year Ago Today...

...Pete and I were in Ethiopia facing a judge, waiting to hear the words, "he is your son." What a way to celebrate Valentine's Day!! Today we remember that special day and praise the Lord for how far He has brought our family in the past year. We are so blessed to have these six precious souls to love and guide and nurture in the love of Christ our Saviour!



here we were visiting the Bethany office after court



we waited at a coffee house for the judge's ruling, along with the other couples who attended court that day




a couple of days before court was the first time we met our son

Tonight we are going out for Ethiopian food to celebrate!!

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

And so it goes. I do think the attachment between Teshome and his new mama is moving forward. There are days though when we definitely take a step backwards and it can be disheartening and make me question if life will ever be "normal" again. It is a hard burden to carry, never knowing for sure if I'm doing it right, but pushing forward. The Lord quiets my heart and gives grace for another day. Oh how deep is His grace!

"Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God."
Ps 42:11

The Gift of Being Needed

It's hard to admit, but I have often been less than sympathetic when one of my children has come to me wanting a kiss on an owie. I have seen it as an interruption to whatever I am doing that is "so important" to have to stop, bend over, and kiss just the right spot on a hand. Miss, and you are told that wasn't it! And try again. Okay, all better, and off the babe runs to play again. I am pretty sure I won't be taking this need to be needed for granted anymore. Now I have a boy who doesn't run to me when he hurts. In fact, when he hurts or is sad or angry, he usually wants to get alone and just cry. And that's when I have to work harder. Take hold, keep close and tight and assure him of my love.

When you give birth to a child, or maybe even if you adopt a child at infancy, there is a natural molding to mama that occurs. I'm sure that it's a little different with every child. Still, I find myself wanting to know that I'm not alone. That I'm not the only one who wonders how long it will take before he stops stiffening when I put my hand on his back. Before he stops giving me the quickest hug goodnight that he can get away with. Months? I can deal with that. Years? That's a little more disheartening. A lifetime? Before he needs me- let's himself need me? I want him to know I'm a safe place. I want him to see me as more than the lady who fixes his food, reminds him to change his underwear, teaches him how to speak English. I want him to fight for the spot next to me on the couch. I think he's learning- slowly, but surely. We have rough days when I think we have hardly made any progress. Then there are glimmers of hope.

Today I took the kids for a bike ride. The older kids wanted to walk down a trail into some woods near our subdivision. Teshome wasn't thrilled with the idea and as he stepped forward tentatively, he reached for my hand and said, "scared, mama." A glimmer. For a second, the gift of being needed.

Skipping Through the Stacks

We are a family that LOVES books. Well, except for a certain adult, but he will remain nameless and actually, he loves that his family loves books. He just has this problem where a book in his hands puts him to sleep. Thankfully all of our children have loved looking at books since their chubby little baby hands first learned how to turn the pages of a board book. We look forward to our weekly trips to the library where we load up. The kids stand at the counter ready to snatch their pile as soon as the books have been scanned. So you can imagine my dismay the first time I took Teshome to the library after he had been home about 3 weeks and he HATED it. We have had some of our worst pouting moments at the library. So, with my work cut out for me, I happily brought home any Curious George or "Buzzy Woody" book I could find. At first he pretended he wasn't interested even though those are his favorite characters. Yup, it didn't take much time being an American and he's already got his favorite animated heroes. A few times I caught him paging through the books I brought home to lure him into "reading" and I wanted to jump for joy, but I pretended I didn't notice. That was all part of my plan. Keep it cool. Don't try to force him to love books. Limit TV time. Have books all over the place (that one is easy around here). He continues to moan and whine when I read for too long- like more than five minutes- as the other kids all sit and listen and ask questions. I realize part of his lack of love here definitely has to do with the fact that he doesn't speak English fluently or understand everything. And it also has to do with the fact that all of the books at the orphanage where ripped and broken and scribbled in and just plain no fun. It's not like he had story time everyday there. So I'll keep working on it. Today, though, I had a beautiful victory in my endeavor to create a bibliophile. We went to the library and he was HAPPY. He searched the stacks, SKIPPING along looking for things that he found interesting. He brought home a book about Australia, a book about hang gliding, a book about New Jersey, and Peter's Chair by Ezra Jack Keats. I was not even bothered by his choices because HE chose books! Yippee!

Good doesn't mean easy

Often people ask me how things are going. I can honestly answer, "good." I am pretty sure that most people translate that to mean "easy peasy." Truth is, this is hard work. Relentless, non stop, and requiring more patience and energy than I have on my own. Sometimes I feel like there is no way that I can do the same thing all over again.
Get up, shower, try to have devotions, get "interrupted," oversee breakfast, clean up the mess, teach, go outside to make sure nobody goes in the street while they play, make lunch, clean up the mess, teach, go outside again, make supper, clean up the mess, get kids ready for bed, crash, sleep, repeat.
Sometimes I CRAVE a few minutes of QUIET, uninterrupted time. I get up at 5:30 am everyday so that I can shower and have some time in the Word before the children get up. Technically they aren't allowed up until 7 am, but there's a new kid in the house and he happens to be an early riser. I let him sit by me and look at a book- it's good one on one time for us, but it gets super tricky when one of the girls gets up to go potty and discovers that Teshome is up. Then the "not fair" talking starts and I suddenly find myself surrounded by messy blonde heads and the whole idea of praying for the world goes out the window.
Sometimes I feel like it's a vacation to walk to the mailbox by myself.
Sometimes I am pretty sure I'll go crazy if I don't get to go somewhere without anyone else.

At those times I have to think big picture. Stop feeling sorry for myself and think about my God and King and all He sacrificed to adopt me. I deserve nothing more than eternal death and punishment, but by His GRACE I am free, I am a child of God, I have life, I have 6 beautiful children who need me everyday. Yes, it's messy and there's lots of poop and laundry and fighting and I can usually think of a million things I'd rather do than push kids on swings for an hour. Yes, the house is crowded and cluttered and I can barely keep up to make sure people have clean underwear, and we always run out of spoons, and there's toothpaste all over the girls' bathroom counter all the time and gas costs too much for me to go anywhere even if I could hire a babysitter. BUT, do I really have any right to complain? Not so much. God is good and continues to supply my needs and enable me to get out of bed each morning.

Still, I don't want people to think that in my answer of "good" I'm painting a rosy picture of the adjustment a family goes through after an adoption. I wouldn't want you to be inspired to adopt because of how easy it is. It isn't easy. It is a blessing and it is wonderful and there are beautiful moments. There is laughter and fun. But there's also the grief of a little boy who has left behind everything normal and comfortable to start a new life in a foreign land with no language skills. There's the challenge of five children who have to give up the level of activity and attention they are used to and sacrifice for a brother they don't really know. There's the fact that we don't feel comfortable with the idea of leaving him with any other care giver until we believe he confidently knows that we are his parents and family forever. So, when I say good, please know that's the short answer to an essay question. I'm just usually not sure if people are ready for the long answer. If you are, I'd be glad to share more. Otherwise, things are good.

Giveaway Update

I know some of you who read this blog do not have blogs yourselves and maybe do not have google or yahoo accounts in order to leave a comment....so, if you want to enter the giveaway still, just email me if you put a link to my blog on facebook and I'll give you one entry :)
raisingolives77 at gmail dot com

My First Ever Giveaway!!

Hey Friends- I am doing a giveaway of one of our

ADOPTION T-SHIRTS

Wear it to display the message that God is glorified in Adoption!

It is super simple to enter- just do one of two things: put a link to my blog on facebook OR your blog for one entry. If you do both, it's 2 entries. Make sure you leave me a comment or email me to let me know what you did and tell me what size and color you would like if you win :) The giveaway ends Friday at midnight. I'll do the drawing and announce the winner on Saturday.

"Orphan Care is Warfare"

"Have you ever wondered why there are so many fatherless children in the world? This is a spiritual matter. The world is not as it should be because of the fall. And why is it so hard to adopt? Could it be that there are spiritual forces involved? We aren't just dealing with ineffective governmental systems, we are engaging in spiritual war. You will face numerous trials in the adoption and orphan care journey, both in country and out of country. 'Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.'" (Eph 6:11)
(from Orphanology by Merida and Morton)

My heart goes out to families we know who are having difficulties on the adoption road. Some have waited ridiculous amounts of time for the next step in the process. Some have already met their children, but haven't been able to bring them home. Many are dealing with the anger and grief of an adopted child which often includes very little sleep for the new child and the parents (and we can all agree that you can handle most things if you're getting enough sleep, but without sleep...watch out!). The above quote is a great reminder that this is a spiritual battle. When you choose to adopt or take part in any orphan care ministry, you are answering the call of God in James 1:27 and Satan does not like that. He will fight you and you need to be prepared.
Many of you are weary. You are tired of being buried in paperwork, tired of waiting for a government agency to make a decision, tired of having a child you love so desperately be unwilling to receive your love. Do not give up hope for, "He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." (1 Jn 4:4)

Artwork on the t's we're selling

We have these available in five great colors-
Indigo Blue
Military Green
Chocolate Brown
Bright Purple
Texas Orange

For those of you who live nearby, email me or call me with your color and size choices and we can set up a time to get together. If you're in Michigan (near Hudsonville), I can arrange my parents taking them and you could pick them up from them. I will try to put a Paypal button on here soon- mainly for people I don't know personally and/or people who need the shirts shipped.
The shirts are $20 for adults (small-xl) and $15 for youth (med and lg- only in the blue and brown).
Thanks for helping to support our adoption by buying these fantastic shirts!

Sharing A Good Read

"The simple and obvious fact for the Christian is this: adoption and orphan care aren't new ideas; they're biblical ideas. The reason we must stress them is the same reason we stress evangelism, prayer, stewardship, and other practices Scripture teaches us. Caring for all of the fatherless is enforced in God's Word, flows from God's heart, and such care embodies convictions that have marked God's people for centuries."

Understanding

The love has come easy. We DECIDED to love him. Then we met him and FELL in love- with his adorable smile, his bright eyes, his aim to please, the songs he sings. He listens when he knows what to do and usually we can explain what we expect- the flushing, the washing, the sitting straight at the table, the moving over to make room, the stopping at the neighbor's driveway and turning the bike around, the quiet sitting in church. But there are things that don't come so easy. To UNDERSTAND what is going on in his mind and in his heart when he becomes silent and still and won't meet our eyes. When you see us out, it looks easy. And overall it's good- really good. But it's hard. It's hard to parent a hurt child whose hurts you weren't there to see. We don't have any way to know how he FEELS, what he's THINKING. We cope day to day with the distractions of everyday life- the playing, the coloring, the reading, the outside time, the eating. And lots and lots of hugging and kissing and cuddling and saying I LOVE YOU. By God's grace, all of those "normal" things- normal to us anyway- will serve to make him feel SECURE and confident in his family. Then they'll start to feel normal to him. And then he'll have the words to tell us what his little heart needs. Right now we have no way of knowing, really. We just keep guessing and doing our best and hoping that it's right.

Gotcha Day ~ March 29, 2011

Home

I am so thankful that my family is all under one roof again. And everyone (but me) is sleeping. Peter and I went to the airport to pick Pete and Teshome up. It took quite awhile to get through customs and immigration so Peter was going CRAZY with the wait. Finally, they came through the doors and I ran and picked up Teshome and just started crying with relief. I totally thought I would hug Pete first, but when I saw my son looking around for ME, I had to scoop him up. We headed home and on the drive I had to remind Pete that he's not in Ethiopia anymore and he could please stop driving like and Ethiopian taxi driver. When we pulled in the driveway the girls were outside with my dad and they were all literally jumping up and down with excitement. He gave them all hugs and said their names. I wish I had had the camera at that point, but it was buried in one of the suitcases. We did get several pictures later in the evening and I'll try to post some soon. The kids completely smothered Teshome and took up all his personal space. He just giggled and followed them around the house and played for awhile. My parents stuck around to have pizza with us and then they headed back to Michigan. Now everyone is sleeping and I'm taking advantage of having nobody that needs me right now so that I can get going on my travelers dirty laundry and some meal prep for tomorrow. I'll write more later, but now it's back to work so I can maybe go to bed before it's tomorrow.

INTRODUCING....

.... Teshome Jeremiah Vander Wall!!!!!

It's official! He is ours and he is on the way HOME!!

This is a picture I took of Teshome with Pete on our first trip. Isn't he handsome?

by the way- his name is pronounced like Tuh-show-muh with the emphasis on the sho

It's Like Having a Newborn Only Different

Okay, I know I didn't just give birth. And the "baby" isn't even home yet, but things are hurtin' over here. After a night of very little sleep due to texting Pete, waiting for responses, emailing him, and making a couple of quick phone calls to him to make sure he was okay, I am exhausted. No, I'm not comparing a night of little sleep to labor, BUT overall the atmosphere around here with the kids, especially the two youngest is similar to the crazy, confused, super needy way they act when I first have a newborn. Actually, Ella and Charlotte are acting about exactly the same way now as Maddie and Ella did the night I went into labor with Charlotte. They claw at my door if I shut them out for a moment to pee in peace. They hang and climb all over me. That's all fine and good. Unless anyone wants to eat. Then I need to be disentangled from these needy little girls who follow me crying and begging to be held so that I can get to the kitchen. Right now they don't even want Grandma, which is a bummer, because she's here and I want them to enjoy her- sit on her for hours. I really want to make supper. And tomorrow I really want to get this house spiffed up so as to welcome my husband home and so as to not let our newest member think we actually like things this messy. And right at this very minute my husband and little boy are taking off on the first leg of their trip home. RIGHT NOW. Oh, my heart!

Peaceful Rest

Pete's Grandma Fennema entered into peaceful rest with her Saviour today after living on this earth for 91 years. I just had to share this news with Pete over the phone and he is hurting right now and I feel so helpless. It almost feels like a daydream, all hazy and strange and unreal. But it is real. And I am unable to comfort my husband in his pain.

We are so blessed that Peter, Kate, Maddie, Ella, and Charlotte were able to know her- some better than others, of course. But there is great sadness for Pete that the son that he has quickly grown to love over the last several days will never know this great grandma.

Please keep Pete in your prayers as he deals with this grief alone right now. And please also pray for our new son that he will understand what is going on and not be worried or insecure as he sees daddy grieving.

News from afar

Each of the last three mornings I have been greeted by the chime of my phone telling me Pete has texted me. I get a short update on their day and then I just wonder and long to know the details. We have had two VERY brief phone calls- wer're talking about maybe two minutes of talk time. I have gotten two emails from him which have given me a glimpse into the surreal life that he is living this week as he gets to know and love our son. I feel like I am going to be so behind on knowing this new child of mine! Daddy and son are having some good bonding time and really getting to know eachother. The Embassy appointment went fine and on Friday they will pick up the visa and passport and get on a plane to head home. While they wait, they are taken various places by our agency's staff. So far they have visited a zoo and gone out for burgers and fries. Yes, burgers and fries in Ethiopia. They spend time each afternoon resting and having a lesson on getting to know your brother and sisters' names and learning some English words. I am so excited to teach him! We are all missing eachother desperately, but we are so thankful for the Lord's grace and goodness to us as we are apart.

The Last Meal as a Family of Seven

Nothing says, "have a nice trip, Daddy," like a breakfast of fat and sugar. Yikes- I think we'll all be having salad for dinner.

Cleared

We got the call this morning! We have been cleared for travel and Pete is working on his travel arrangements right now. It looks like we are going to have our boy home in just over a week!

Stay Tuned

Just wanted to let you all know that we are planning a very special adoption fundraiser. This is our first one and I am super excited about it. A t-shirt design is in the works and it is looking good! So if you've been checking out your wardrobe to see what you have to wear for the spring and summer and you're thinking you could really use a great new t-shirt, stay tuned! I'll show you a sample and give you the ordering info soon.