Monday, April 18, 2011
The love has come easy. We DECIDED to love him. Then we met him and FELL in love- with his adorable smile, his bright eyes, his aim to please, the songs he sings. He listens when he knows what to do and usually we can explain what we expect- the flushing, the washing, the sitting straight at the table, the moving over to make room, the stopping at the neighbor's driveway and turning the bike around, the quiet sitting in church. But there are things that don't come so easy. To UNDERSTAND what is going on in his mind and in his heart when he becomes silent and still and won't meet our eyes. When you see us out, it looks easy. And overall it's good- really good. But it's hard. It's hard to parent a hurt child whose hurts you weren't there to see. We don't have any way to know how he FEELS, what he's THINKING. We cope day to day with the distractions of everyday life- the playing, the coloring, the reading, the outside time, the eating. And lots and lots of hugging and kissing and cuddling and saying I LOVE YOU. By God's grace, all of those "normal" things- normal to us anyway- will serve to make him feel SECURE and confident in his family. Then they'll start to feel normal to him. And then he'll have the words to tell us what his little heart needs. Right now we have no way of knowing, really. We just keep guessing and doing our best and hoping that it's right.